Life as We Know It
“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. If this gets any worse, I might have to go back to the doctor. It’s getting that bad again.”
Charlie, Perks of Being a Wallflower
“I just think it’s bad when a boy looks at a girl and thinks that
the way he sees the girl is better than the girl actually is. And I
think it’s bad when the most honest way a boy can look at a girl is
through a camera.”
Charlie, Perks of being a Wallflower
He kinda looks like him, don’t you think? :)
Hopes for Someday
Maybe you just don’t know me. Or maybe, I changed. This thought always comes to me whenever I remember the conversation I had with my high school friend.
I was happy that day that even though I had only seen so few of my old friends, we got to have chat together. I was also much happier that my company includes my best friend. My long time best friend. It’s nice to see how she grows up, maturing, experiencing life… and love.I told myself that I would take her invitation to go to her house even if I would know no one else can make it. School stuff. Vacation. Laziness. I like talking to her. I like it when she texts me good morning even with a sad face. It’s not that I get a happy feeling from her sadness because I know that she seeks my help, my advice. The fact that she reaches out to me when she has problems makes me feel glad that our friendship is still alive even if we barely see each other or talk to each other or even text/call each other.
She invited the whole class to come, but eventually only 3 of us could go. But like I said earlier, it doesn’t matter. So we ate, but we spent more time updating each other with our lives, and our other classmates’. Same old, same old: keeping posted on lovelife. Although it kinda looks like we’re gossiping, technically yes, but the way we have it is like having a family chat. One thing that makes me proud of my classmates is that we stay grounded. So nobody ever has brought intriguing news about the relationship of the other. Like somebody got pregnant, becomes addict, a war freak. At least not yet and keeping my hopes high, never ever will those happen.
Discussion ate our time, as with the lovelife story-telling between them. Yes, I admit. Only them. I have nothing to share when it comes to lovelife. And that time, my friend complained that I don’t speak, they ran out of stories, that it’s my time to share. Sorry guys, I can’t. Sometimes I think they feel bad about me for not experiencing that thing, for being so innocent maybe that’s why nobody ever dared. When the day ended, I had a short conversation-through text-with my friend and he kinda said that I will someday have that someone and I would someday feel it then I would have something to share.
Ironically, I don’t seem to pity myself over it. Maybe before, sometimes, I can’t remember. I’ve never been depressed about it. And just like I said to my friends when they keep bugging with the question that if I ever had a special someone or feel to have one, NO. It’s strange but I don’t feel like having one yet. When it comes, it comes. Actually, what I picture myself right now is with adventures, exploring, photography, living life, loving life. Now how would I tell it to them? It is what I like to share with them. I’ve been to this place, I’ve seen that. But whenever I open up things like that, they don’t seem to be interested. I see my friends sometimes try their best to hear me out or maybe it’s for real.
Whatever it is they have in mind about me,I leave it to them. Someday my life would speak to them and who knows? Maybe someday when I tell them my adventures, I have someone.
I was in early teens when I dreamt of someone I haven’t met. But I know, many people that we don’t know personally sometimes find their way to our dreams. However in my dream, I met a guy and it happens that I fell in love/had a crush on him (how the hell will I know the difference, I’m was young!). I was confused because when I woke up and my dream still fresh in my memories, I kinda feel my heart… throbbing. I was like, “What the hell is that feeling?” because I feel it whenever I have a crush on somebody. It’s crazy. My mind’s going crazy. ‘Coz as far as I can remember, if I’m gonna interpret it, it’s like my minds telling me “meet your future!”, something like that.
Is it just normal or am I delusional already?